Are you really listening?

Let me ask you, when you're talking to someone are you really listening to what they're saying or are you waiting for the opportunity to jump into the conversation and get your point across?

Whilst we think we're good listeners, the majority of us spend more time listening the voice in our head rather than understanding what the other person is saying.

This is what is known as conversational listening. Where most of the time we are thinking about what we're going to say.

As leaders though, we need to constantly work on our broader listening skills. To truly hear and understand. It's one of the key cogs of building rapport, developing connection and establishing trust.

You'll not take people with you if you don't listen.

To actively listen you need to be focussed less on yourself and more on the person speaking. Paying attention to the words used, the tone of voice, the non-verbal cues.

And demonstrate you're listening by reflecting back what you're hearing. This will also help you to ask more insightful questions at the right time.

Becoming a better listener isn't something that happens overnight. You need to work at it and take time to reflect on how effective you think you are.

Here are some things you can do:

Prepare for the conversation
Are you in the right environment and headspace to listen? Do you know what type of listening will most appropriate for the discussion? How are you going to deal with the distractions - your inner chatter as well as external factors?

Be comfortable with silence
Practice not filling in those gaps. Silence is a powerful tool that can enable the speaker to say more and expand. It can also show respect and reflection.

Don't try too hard
Try to relax. And focus on your breathing if you struggle.

As ever, these things take practice. But the beauty of it is that you can start as simply as the next time you ask a question; spending a couple of minutes purely listening, not saying anything.

Try it.

If you're interested to go a little deeper on the importance of listening in leadership, have a read of this article published in the raconteur recently.